Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Crisis Anonymous

I think the fundamental problem with the DC SUMMER LIMITED SERIES is not that they ressurrect C-string heroes and villains without hardly mentioning their names, or that the plot goes basically nowhere because they're all waiting until Infinite Crisis In Infinite Earths to do anything useful. OK, it -is-, but the main problem is that the motivations don't make sense.

I mean, at least in House of M it makes sense that Magneto, having possession of Deus Ex Machina Woman, would use her to make a world where mutants are kings and he is God Emperor. (What really surprised me is that, for once, an alternate timeline looks better than the original.) But the DC series so far... eh. Let's see:

Day of Vengeance: Jean Loring is controlled by Eclipso and teams up with the Spectre to destroy all magic. Excuse me what? Eclipso sounds like a fellow that'd eat the sun or cover the planet in darkness or some crap, not 'destroy all magic'. The true reason Spectre is destroying all magic is to keep this from being a complete clone of Day of Judgement some years ago.

Villains United: All villains are united because Dr. Light was mindwiped boo hoo and frankly they will not stand for that and suddenly they're working all together in perfect harmony except for six of them who made another team to fight the first team and this team has a traitor I don't want to think about this anymore.

The OMAC Project: Batman makes a satellite that can turn people into robots that can defeat even Superman and oh god obviously it goes out of control. OK he HAS done this before (the Babel storyline) and exactly because he did it before he should be more careful about what weapons of horrible death he leaves lying around. Poor Batman, they're doing everything to make him look like a complete dick.

Rann-Thanagar War: The hawkpeople want Adam Strange's world because theirs exploded or something and all obscure alien races of the DC universe joined in. You don't have to pay attention to this one cause nobody else is.

So, in conclusion: Seven Soldiers rules.